And this kiss tastes like a hand grenade. ♥

I think most of us got through the night. I know I did. Barely, but it still counts.

The tears won't stop. They just keep coming. It might have something to do with being reminded of him everywhere.

The media bar to the right of buzznet is COMPLETELY filled with RIP journals. The picture links are ALL our beloved Jimmy. I assume the videos are, too, but I don't even want to check at this point.

Myspace is a little different, since not all of my friends are into the band.

Twitter is terrible, though. If you haven't gone there yet, keep it that way. It's basically a shrine and a lot of the OC boys are, well, broken up about it.

Kay and I are hanging out today. Days like this need to be spent with a friend. In Sugar Land, it's gray outside. It looks like all the color just got sucked from the world, or that's what Kay said. But you know, I guess in a sense, it really did.

I thought it was bad when Casey from Hawthorne Heights died. It was all over the place. People were having a shit fit and I even cried, but this,... this is just.. God, now I feel so sorry for those Hawthorne kids. Now I know what it really felt like.

It feels like part of your soul just got ripped from your body.

I wasn't even this upset when my uncle passed away. I almost feel guilty, but my uncle wasn't the most positive person and he never influenced me. Jimmy on the other hand... God, Jimmy influenced everybody. He was the best.

And now he's gone, and I don't know what to do.

Good luck, guys. A giant hug goes out to the entire Avenged Sevenfold family. The fans, the techs, the record companies, and especially the boys. I can only imagine what they're going through right now.

God, where do I even begin with this guy?

He was... Amazing. Nobody was quite like Jimmy. He was one hell of a drummer and probably the craziest man I knew of. I looked up to him in one way or another. I guess I always will. All those guys have had such a big impact on me. I just wish the rumors weren't true.

Yeah, I regret being upset with the band for the last year and a half, or however long. I always loved them, though.

And, I don't even know. I don't know what to do with myself. I thought those boys were all indestructible. I mean, I know people pass away, but I've never been one of those kids, the ones who are affected by it.

God, I'm going to miss him so much. We all will.

It's been a sad day.

Rest In Peace, you crazy fucker. I'll never forget you.

You were always the best, no matter what I said, no matter what I thought, no one could equal up to you in certain aspects.

I love you, Jimmy.

February 10, 1981 - December 28, 2009

Forever in our hearts, you'll stay.

Okay guys, this is it. I've been working in this for a couple of days and I mean, I like it, but I'm still not sure about posting it. Sure, I always worry over posting my darker stuff, but this is bad. Like, it's extremely graphic, goes into a lot f detail. I post the warnings in a minute, but I'm warning you, this is VERY MATURE CONTENT. I can't even begin to stress it. But hey, here goes nothing.

Title: Sweet 666

Pairing: James Hart/Pet (Surprised? You shouldn't be.)

Rating: NC- 17/XXX/Adult

Warnings: Swearing, graphic sex, BDSM, bloodplay, abuse

Summary: This will be our little sweet 666. Be still my love, for we can not be seen.

Disclaimer: Not real. Didn't happen. God, this didn't happen. If it did, I don't even know, but it didn't!

Author's Note: While editing this, I realized how much I really don't like the word 'dick'. I'm fine with 'cock', but 'dick' bothers me for some reason. Also, I really want this to go somewhere if you guys like it, which there's actually a chance that you won't. Anyway, I have a plan for it and will probably still write in it even if you guys don't like it, but it's a matter of if I'll post it or not.

Second Author's Note: THIS IS REALLY BAD.

The streets of New York City were filled with hustling bodies, screams and shouts, and many, many cars that were contributing to the area's already alarming pollution problem. It was around three o' clock on a rather pleasant November afternoon. The temperature outside was chilling but familiar and most people found ways to ignore the bite of the weather and move on with their lives.

One particular building that lined one of these busy streets was a living space to many. From the outside the structure looked like that of any other beaten and battered New York shelter, but it was so much more than that. With two stories, it was home to more than twenty runaway teenagers, though the ground level was the main housing area. The top story was a haven only to the being who created the shelter and a couple of others.

James Hart peered down at all of the scuttling humans below him, scoffing once before turning back to to what he had been doing prior to. Filling up the small glass with water, he mumbled to himself, something along the lines of, "Rodents. Pushy little rodents," then took a tiny sip from the glassware.

Known as a generous man to most, James Hart was actually the exact opposite. Though he had single handedly set up the shelter below him, he had done it for his own unique purposes. He was not a man, but a hybrid of of beasts. The majority of humans that James came in contact with were aware of the slightly strange vibe he gave off, too charming and handsome to be just anybody, too intelligent and sharp to be a male of only twenty- three, and too dark to be pure, but most chose to wave it off, opting not to think about how this apparently caring and giving man may not be just that. The beast could keep his secret well, and the only others who knew about it were those of his kind and a handful of trustworthy humans.

These were the few who saw James at his best and worst. They were who saw everything that he tried so hard to hide from everybody else.

Two men were seated in James' living area at that time, both of them chatting quietly amongst themselves as they waited for the owner of the apartment to return, which he did moments later. Walking into the room, water in hand, the pair were not surprised to see the magnificent, dark wings that jutted out from his shoulderblades, black as night with traces of ocean blue. They extended from their origin in his back to the top of his achilles tendon, brushing his heels and ankles as he sauntered over to the chair he had previously been sitting in.

"So James, when are the next couple of kids coming in?" A brunette by the name of Matt Tuck questioned, a thick welsh accent drowning his words.

"Yeah, I'm in need of some fresh meat," Wes Borland, the hybrid sitting next to him added in.

James rolled his eyes and set the glass of water down in front of him, then placed a hand on the head of a small girl who was sitting on the ground next to him. The girl turned her face up a bit and rubbed against his palm, causing James to stroke her hair as she leaned against his chair.

With a small frame, the girl sat with her legs bent at the knee and off to her right side. Pale, smooth skin was exposed almost enirely, the only articles covering her at all being black, lace underwear, a matching bra, and a leather collar that had eight metal rings hanging from it. Black hair fell over her shoulders and contrasted with the translucent skin. She glanced around the room with big, brown eyes that were ringed in black. Full pink lips parted in a whimper as one of the dark headed creature across from her smirked and made a slight but sudden movement toward her, a threatening gesture. This tiny, pethetic girl was named Pet and belonged to James and only James.

"Wes, quit scaring her," the winged demon chastised his friend before looking down and seeing his beloved companion bury her face into the arm of the chair he was sitting in, "Just because you treat Slave like shit doesn't mean you can treat Pet the same way." James let his fingers trail down from the crown of Pet's head to her cheek and finally her chin, which he lifted and scratched gently under. The girl let out a sound of content and let a very small smile curl onto her face before she bent down and nipped at her owner's hand. He chuckled and wagged a finger in her face before murmuring quietly to her, "Save the biting for later, my dear." She just looked up at him and grinned mischievously before nodding slightly.

The two demons on the couch both sneered and muttered disapprovingly, "I don't understand why you treat her like that. She's just a human, James. We treat Slave the way those fuckin' rats are supposed to be treated."

James didn't argue with them, only shrugged, having had this discussion with the two many times before. Though heagree with his companions that the majority of humans were disgusting, vile, selfish creatures, there were a few who weren't. He wasn't exactly in the mood to go over it again. Wes and Matt had their opinions while James had his own. Why the pair couldn't get it through their heads was beyond him.

"It doesn't matter. Now, to answer your previous question, I've sent Schieppati and Bell out to fetch more of their sorry- ass friends, so in the next day or two, we'll have some new, uh, initiates."

Both creatures across from James smiled and high fived, their eyes growing darker and darker until they were entirely black, a sign that the demons were excited and already plotting ahead. James sat back, remembering when the mere thought of new humans used to have the same effect on him. It was all different now, though. "You two are so easily pleased," he mused, sitting back and continuing to stroke Pet's hair.

"No, we just scheme in advance," Matt countered, smiling sadistically.

"Fuck, this calls for celebration! James, we need some whiskey," Wes basically yelled, throwing his hands up in the air and giving the creature he just addressed an almost bashful look. James eyed the now ecstatic demon skeptically before sighing and nudging Pet slightly with his hand.

She looked up at him expectantly, eyes wide and waiting, "D' you wanna get the Jack from the cabinet for me?" Though posed as a question, Pet knew that this was a command more than anything. Her owner just liked to make things friendlier than they really were. The man liked his euphamisms.

Making no noise at all save for the jingling of her collar, Pet stood up and walked gracefully into the kitchen area of the apartment. James' eyes never left her form as he watched her bend over to retrieve the bottle of alcohol from the lower cupboard.

Wes and Matt busied themselves, talking about what the new runaways would have to go through to "prove themselves". The three hybrids in the room had thought up tests and punishments a while back that would satisfy their needs while being disguised as some sick, cruel, and very immoral initiation tradition. It usually involved sex of some sort and a large amount of blood no matter the gender or age of the newbie.

James paid their excited ramblings no attention as he let his eyes wander up and down his little plaything's body. She poured the whiskey into two glasses before looking up to meet her owner's gaze in question. Once realizing that the man had been admiring her, Pet looked back down, a pink flush surfacing on her cheeks. She stood still for a moment, debating over whether or not she should pour some of the amber liquid for the creature who could be blamed for her whole body heating up, deciding that it would be best to just give him some. She didn't want to get in trouble for assuming he didn't want any of the celebration toxin just because he had a cup of water.

After capping the bottle, sticking it back in the cabinet, and doing her best to ignore the dark eyes she could feel burning into her, Pet grabbed the three cups, holding them between dainty fingers and each other, then proceeded to make her way over to the three men still sitting down. Her attention all on the glasses and not spilling them, and James' attention only on her, neither of them noticed the snicker that escaped from Wes' mouth as he moved his right foot a tad bit forward, sticking it out just enough for the poor, human girl to trip over. With a small yelp, Pet let go of the drinks and hurdled forward and toward the ground.

A familiar arm full of tattoos belonging to James shot out to catch his beloved after getting up in a flash. The other arm was busy catching the glass that had gone flying, instinct kicking in full force as he caught them all, one after the other, each landing inside another. The brown liquid sloshed over the sides, but was disregarded as the owner of the home set all of the cups down on the table.

All of it happened in a matter of seconds, proving just how in tune with his senses James really was. Dark eyes turned black and shimmered with anger as he snarled at the two on the couch, "I think it's time for you to leave."

Wes rolled his eyes, "Aw, come on, James. I was just fuckin' around. Wasn't I, Pet?" The name rolled off of his tongue as if it were acidic. Pet didn't respond to him at all, only moved closer to James, who was now glaring daggers at the laughing demons.

"Yeah, loosen up a bit, dude. We're just, uh, keeping you on your toes," Matt chimed in, though the smile he showed didn't convince the now growling creature.

Wings erect and by his sides, James huffed and reiterated, "Did I sound like I was joking? Get the fuck out of my apartment."

The pair stared at him for a minute before sighing loudly and standing up, "Fine, fine. We'll be downstairs if you need us." Both hybrids walked to the door, not pausing to look back to get another word in, and left the danger zone.

Shutting his eyes, James inhaled deeply before breathing out through his mouth and fell back into his chair. He rubbed at his temples for a few short seconds, trying to rid himself of the sudden headache he had aquired. Matt and Wes were probably his best friends, but fuck, did they get on his nerves sometimes. At least James had some manners left over from his lighter days. Those two had nothing but cruelty, brutality, and a little too much arrogance.

Pet stood in front of him awkwardly, fidgeting slightly with her fingers as she looked down at her feet until a larger hand enveloped hers. The winged man pulled her down on him so that she straddled his legs. She rested her forehead againt his as he murmured lowly, "It's about time those fuckheads left. I wouldn't have been able to wait much longer with you making trips to get drinks and everything," he let out a laugh, holding Pet by the hips.

Her hands were on his bare chest, the only clothing chosen for use that day being a pair of black, low rise jeans. She traced over the ink on his torso lightly, smiling inwardly whenever she felt the muscles in James' stomach contract. Her fingers danced over his skin skillfully, scratching gently down his sides slowly so the creature's lips parted and he exhaled sharply, gripping her tighter. James smirked before pressing his thumbs into the hollows of Pet's hips, a soft mewl escaping the confines of her throat. She bucked and ground herself down onto him. The man chuckled, letting his hands make their way down the girl's thighs, barely touching her at all. Pet took her bottom lip into her mouth, feeling her owner's fingers making their way up the inside of her leg. James watched her closely, knowing her body almost better than his own, and eyed her as he teased her. Slowly, he reached the junction where her thigh met her pelvis and slipped a finger under the skimpy undergarment that covered her.

James smiled darkly, knowing well that moments like this were what he lived for. Something about having his Pet waiting and craving his touch, his teasing, everything about him really appealed to him. He enjoyed pleasuring her and getting off in return, knowing that sooner rather than later, she'd be begging for it again.

The demon dragged a finger over Pet's clit, relishing the sound it brought forth. He bit his own lip while he pushed the tiny limb into the girl's body. Her mouth opened a little wider and her nails dug into James' sides. Twisting his wrist slightly, he began to pull the finger from her, watching as she lifted her hips for him and waited. Before the small appendage was completely removed, he slid it back in quickly. Pet gasped, her chest heaving a bit as she aided the pattern, lifting herself once more and basking in the sensations washing over her. The two continued with the rhythm, James adding another finger when he felt necessary as the human on top of him let out a quiet moan. She let her head loll backward, eyes closing as her body began to tremble.

The man below her observed the way Pet's dark lashes fell over her cheeks, looking as black as black could be against her flesh. He took notice of how she would let her jaw hang slack for one moment then close her mouth all the way the next. He keyed in on the way her hips were moving against him, and he definitely noticed the way he was rock hard and trapped in his jeans. This being a problem for him, James quickly removed Pet's source of ecstacy, smirking at the whine that fell from her lips, then examined his fingers, lips turning up in a pleased smile. Bringing his hand to his mouth, the creature quickly licked the fluid from his fingers, feeling his lover's eyes on him the whole time.

"Come on, Pet. It's time to take things to the bedroom," he tapped her hip and shifted under her, making the girl get up. James stood up after her and grabbed her by the wrist, leading her into the mentioned room quickly. He shut the door and nodded toward the king sized bed, urging her to go to it.

Pet knew the routine and made her way over to the large piece of furniture, hopping onto it and laying down. She raised her arms above her head and spread her legs before preparing herself mentally for what was about to happen.

James walked over to the bed, climbing over Pet, his lips pulled back from his teeth in an animalistic snarl. He straddled her hips for a moment, making quick work of ridding his playmate of the two pieces of clothing she wore, then took a few seconds to admire her body.

Though the two did this quite often, James was still blown away by just how stunning the girl below him was. Her skin was smooth as marble but as soft as silk, pale and free of any blemishes. Ebony hair fanned out around her face as now dark brown eyes stared up at him wantonly. Pale pink lips were parted and enticing, almost luring him in. She could move for him in just the right ways, twisting herself and arching to get the man off like no other. The sounds that would come from her drove him wild and brought out the beast inside of him.

With all of this in mind, James set to work, placing a soft kiss on Pet's collar bone, followed by a nip. His teeth grazed over the sensitive area of her lower neck as his hands traced up her sides. He felt the girl shiver a bit and smiled as he licked down the valley of her breasts. Pet bit into her lip harshly, her hands locking above her head. The hybrid continued on with this, kissing, biting, and licking his way down her body, taking special care to suck at the hollows of her hips. The younger arched off of the bed, her toes curling as she tried to ignore the painful cramping of her stomach muscles. Lifting her right leg, James brushed his lips against Pet's inner thigh, spreading her legs even further and knowing that anticipation was killing the poor girl. Deciding to tease her just a little more, he leaned down and swiped his tongue once over her exposed and dripping clitoris. A loud whine ripped from Pet's mouth as her whole body seemed to seize up and relax again entirely. James smirked, rolling his tongue in his mouth to taste her.

Without further hesitation, he stood up and undid his pants, shoving them down his toned legs and stepping out of them. With nothing else to cover him, Pet eyed him hungrily, her eyes immediately being drawn to his very sizable arousal. James smiled before crawling on top of her once again, uttering a lustful, "All for you." The girl whimpered and reached out to touch him, but he shook his head, catching her hand and placing it back above her head. Pet groaned in protest, but didn't fight back. James nodded approvingly and grasped his lover's other wrist as well. The girl lifted her hips, digging her heels into the mattress as she watched her owner. He leaned forward, the tip of his erection brushing against Pet's entrance so that she mewled in delight. Knowing he was in the right position, James began pushing into her tiny body with out any more preperation.

Below him, the girl scrunched up her face, a look of pain contorting her features as the impressive appendage was shoved into the most sensitive part of her body. Still, the burning sensation felt good in a strange way. It was familiar to Pet and she loved it just as much as she loathed it.

James' grip on Pet's wrists tightened as he began to pull out. He began a series of small thrusts, giving the girl a little bit of time to ready herself. A loud moan slipped through raw lips and Pet nodded her head, the signal that she was most definitely ready for James. He grinned and pulled out all the way, the head of his still throbbing cock just barely staying in her body, before he thrusted into her deeply. A scream of pleasure ripped from Pet's throat, her head getting thrown back as she immediately wrapped her legs around the demon's waist. James pulled himself from her slowly before repeating himself, impaling the girl over and over as his speed slowly built.

His eyes were black and wide open, lips parted as he watched the human's expression change. Her jaw hung open, mouth forming an 'O' shape that was very sensual. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't frowning. Above her, Pet's dainty hands clawed at the headboard, though she knew James wouldn't let go of her. Heels dug into his lower back, toes curling as she groaned and shook. It was truly a sight to see.

Pet was moaning shamelessly, the feeling of her owner's swollen erection being slammed into her mercilessly making her writhe and scream. She brought him closer to her, legs tightening around his thin waist. James laughed darkly, leaning down so that his mouth was right next to her ear, "Want something?" He slowed his movements, listening to her whine. Her eyes opened, revealing desperate brown orbs. Staying still for a moment, James watched his lover's chest heave. She was covered in a thin film of perspiration, as was he. His grip loosened on Pet's wrists and in a sudden movement, he flipped them over, landing on his back as the girl fell hard onto his cock. Both of them groaned, the human on top now smiling. James watched her and waited as she searched for his permission. He just grabbed her by the hips and lifted her easily before slamming her petit body down onto him.

Pet seemed to gyrate on top of the creature, biting her lip and groaning as he rubbed against her walls. James threw his head back and basked in the feeling, the heat that enveloped him being almost too much. His body trembled as the girl continued to grind down on him, never actually lifting herself. His hypersensitive tip was being brushed up against repeatedly, and once he couldn't take it anymore, he lifted Pet himself, pounding into her as he thrust upward while pulling her down on him again and again.

The girl shrieked, scratching down James' chest as she rode him hard and fast. The two weren't quiet, nor were they gentle. Both bodies were close to being spent and as their moans grew louder and their climaxes approached, they watched each other. Both pairs of eyes were hazy but wide, a clash of black and a lustful brown. Mouths remained open and only grew wider as the awaited burning in the pits of their stomach turned to a white hot explosion. James let out a scream that grew in both pitch and volume as his orgasm washed over him, Pet moaning in short bursts over and over again until she gasped and gripped at any flesh she could find harshly.

Once the pinnacle of their escapade was over, Pet rolled off of James and lay beside him. Both of them breathed heavily and for a while, though the male recovered faster, as he always did.

As he sat up, the tiny girl next to him looked at him with doe eyes, tears immediately welling up in them. James sighed and shook his head, "Don't give me that look, Pet. You know what it's time for and there's nothing you can do about it." She whimpered and scuttled up to the headboard quickly, pulling her knees to her chest and shaking her head vehemenently.

It was a fmiliar routine and Pet should have been used to it by now, but she wasn't. There was no way to become accustomed to it, and she never really wanted to. Still, James set his jaw and cleared his throat as he leaned over, opening a drawer and sifting through it's contents.

In the short time he was distracted, Pet leaped off of the bed and made a dash for the door. A low growl sounded and before she got even halfway across the room, James was in front of her and had her arm in a vice grip. Pet's heart plummeted in her chest and she struggled for a moment, doing her best to get away from the now angry demon. This didn't phase the creature in the least and he only grabbed her other arm and ushered her back to the bed, tossing her on it and quickly moving over her. Familiar handcuffs that had been hanging behind the headboard during their session were brought forth and clasped around her wrists. She pulled at them, twisting back in forth only for the metal to rub against her skin, slowly peeling it off. James used thin but trustworthy chains to bind her feet. His hand took hold of Pet's jaw, prying at it as she tried to yank her face away from his. He peered down at her, eyes wide and shining in a threatening way. She stopped in her exertions, stilling her body save for the overall quivering.

"Shh, baby, it's okay," James tried, brushing a piece of hair out of her face as he motioned for Pet to open her mouth. She did, biting down on the red rubber ball that was placed in it. The hybrid clasped the straps together in the back, then leaned down and placed his lips on the girl's damp forehead.

Reaching over once again, James retrieved the object he had been searching for when Pet tried to run: a small, silver switchblade. Pet regarded it with fear evident in her swimming eyes. James did his best not to meet her watery gaze and pressed the small button that released the menacing blade with a resonating shink. Pet whimpered again and squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to watch the mutilation take place.

James looked over the pale body beneath him, fingers brushing over the skin softly until he stopped at the area in between Pet's hips. Now sitting on her legs, he put a hand on the girl's stomach as he lightly pressed the knife to her tender flesh. She was crying now, not trying to hide it as she choked on the ball in her mouth and the fluid that was building up. Pet shook as she worked herself up into hysterics, James grunting and pressed down on her harder while he began to drag the blade across her pelvis slowly.

A muffled but loud scream rang throughout the room, the girl thrashing and coughing, yanking at her chains. By this time, though, James didn't mind. He paid no attention to her as he focused in on the crimson liquid that dripped from the cut he had just made. Without even pausing, he bent down and placed his mouth over part of the wound, sucking on it and moaning as the blood filled his mouth. He licked at the clean slice until it disappeared entirely.

Pet's movements and shrieking died down for a short while and she breathed deeply through her nose, coughing a bit as her eyes opened only to see James pick the switchblade up again and move down on her body, kneeling over her feet. He pressed the knife to one of her inner thighs and smiled, pleased as his drug began to pour from from her. The girl, feeling the sharp, stinging pain began screaming again, moving her body back and forth. This only dug the knife in deeper and the creature groaned as he watched it seep from her.

Reaching down, James took his now hardening cock in his right hand, pumping it slowly until it was completely erect. He licked at the trails of blood on Pet's leg, eyes rolling into the back of his head as he swiped his thumb over his slit. Pressing his mouth to the actual cut, he applied suction to it, letting the elixir take over his senses. Without even thinking, he made another incision, hearing screams somewhere in the background of it all. Primal sounds made their way out of his throat as he sucked blood from the girl's body, his hand moving fast over his length, taking special care to squeeze at the engorged head.

James moved to the newer cut, tracing his tongue over it slowly before repeating the same pattern as before, his groaning growing louder and louder, hips now thrusting into his hand as he was taken away completely. He bit at the flesh below him, getting carried away as he felt the skin break in his mouth. He didn't even hear Pet's shrill cry as the taste of iron flowed into his open mouth. He was eager now, sucking at it as he roughly yanked at his cock. Toes curling, his mouth opened, blood pouring from it and drenching his chin as he came all too soon, a viscid stream of white shooting from him while he continued to pump himself until he was dry.

The satisfied creature fell forward onto Pet, panting now. He lay there for a while before scooting up and unlocking her. The cuts on her body had all closed up, but she still cried, reaching up to unclasp the gag. James loosened the chains around her ankles, rubbing the raw skin there, but before he could really make progress, Pet moved away from him, slipping off the bed and walking over to a corner in the room where the only window was. Her owner sighed as he watched her kneel down, small arms wrapping around herself as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, body shaking while she sobbed quietly.

It wasn't always like this. The two had a history and there were reasons for why things were the way they were now.

Typing this on my new HP Mini, which will take some getting used to. The keyboard is so different. I'm going to be making so many typos for a while. >_>

Anyway, it was all good this year. Got a season of House, my love, and a season of Bones, some pajama shorts, a charm for my bracelet, some shirts and this, of course. As I get older, the holidays aren't a big thing any more. Heh.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Christmas.

Amy, I'm going to read that one shot you posted once I go into my room, cause I'm like, in the family room right now and I don't want anyone walking over like, "Hey, WOAH, what the fuck is WRONG with you?!" Hahah, cause I can already tell that it's probably going to be one of those fics. (:

Also, I've been plotting and scheming and have come up with something quite wonderful in the darkest of ways. It's a ficlet, of course, but it's going to be terrible, like just bad. As I plan it, I'm really questioning whether or not I should post it. James, Wes, and Tuck are the main guys. Sage and I, the girls. Duh. But I mean, it's gonna be bad.

Sex, bloodplay, kink, loss of identity, ball gags, and so much more.

Seriously, I might post the first part once it's written and see what you guys think, but it's gonna be bad. Why am I in such a dark mood around Christmas? I don't really know, but whatever. At least I can have fun with it. Pyscho James just makes me squee. Some may think it'd be kinda hard to make him all crazy, but seriously, go read over old Visions lyrics and you'll see why I get possessed to do shit like this.

Anyway, Merry Christmas! :D Kay, I shall be waiting. (;

Star Wars is playing in the living room while no one is there.

My dad is doing laundry in gross little briefs. Ew.

My brother is complaining about genies influencing the weather while he slams doors then warns people about being too loud.

And last but not least, my mother is baking cookies while talking about getting a gun for Christmas so that she can blow up people's ball sacks.

God, I love the holidays.

♥

You're not a saint either.

Why don't you try shutting your fucking trap for once and quit picking at other people's flaws.

We all miss Eighteen Visions, but maybe it's time to move on with your God damned life.

For a while, I tried to belive in you, but now it's pretty easy to see that you're just an asshole.

Go fuck yourself, Mick Morris.

Motionless and Tim Burton.

Just had a realization that got me so excited, I started shaking. ♥

What a bunch of nerds.

Now, writing? I hope so. I had a good idea, but now I'm second guessing it because Chris kinda like, roundhouse kicked his way back into... everything. *sigh*

Oh, Mr. Cerulli.

Hah, Pat Benatar. >_>

Interesting day, it was. Two exams, English and Music Theory. Highest in English *cheers* but that doesn't mean much because it was only thirty- one out of fifty. Good thing she's givin us a ten point curve, eh? Music theory was ONE PAGE long. Mr. Brown is a strange man. After we were all finished, we had to go across the school to the band hall to chill there. I got to spend an hour and a half with a kid I'm really not too fond of. Ugh.

Broke up with Kale today. I feel kind of bad, but it needed to be done before this two week break. Gives us time away from each other, too. It just... wasn't working out.

Went to Kay's after school, chilled, watched 40 Year Old Virgin, ate Chinese, fangirled, opened present(s) early, which is still kind of trippin' me out. That's one person I hadn't planned on shopping for. Hurrumph.(;

Now I'm at home and about to sleep for a while, I think. I have two weeks off, so I should get a considerable amount of writing done, and if I don't, well then, there's something wrong with me.

Firstly, Tides of Man.. Love those guys so much. ♥

Secondly, finals this week. WootWoot. All of them should be fairly easy, have been pretty easy. Tuesday I had World History. Easy shit. Today I had Debate and Bio. I had to do a giant oratory in Debate. It was a little too long, but I owned that shit, got the loudest claps and Princess Mason was all freakin' out. It made me smile. Bio was just... Easy. Tomorrow I have Health and Geometry, then Friday is English and Music Theory, both half days.

On a more somber note, I figured you all might want to know that I'm ending it with Kale. He's being really reckless and doing some stupid things. We can't ever see each other outside of school cause he's always grounded and doesn't seem to care, yet he finds ways to hang out with other people, and I've come to realize that he's really fuckin' clingy. I thought this would work for a while...

Then I started doing that whole thinking thing that I tend to do. >_> Yeah, yeah, I'm cryptic, blah blah. Anyway, I'm not enjoying myself, so I've gotta do that before Winter break.

Back to happy news, though. Skeletons. I've been planning more and I've decided that the only male who gets his own point of view, which could quite possibly be every other chapter now, is Christopher. (: Why? Cause I don't like writing in like, seventy peoples' point of views and because I feel like I don't know some of the other guys well enough. Girls still get views, but not the guys. Anyway, hopefully that will come along nicely.
(:

Uhm, that's about it for now. Tomorrow should be... interesting.

Recap: Paige and Jimmy. Beloved Eric was caught sneaking around with Johnny, only not in the slashy way you confused children are probably thinking. We've learned of Nikki and Vince's tragic tale and how Jimmy was kind of raised by Sixx. Ringin' any bells? Well, if not, go here: http://veesevenexx3.buzznet.com/user/journal/4558711/skeletons-closets-will-dance-ch4/

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Title: Skeletons In Closets Will Dance

Pairing: Potential Vienna/Chris Cerulli

Rating: PG- 13 to R, for gory ideas and very mild sexual thoughts.

Summary: Everyone has their own little secrets.

Author's Note: Yes, the triumphant return of SICWD! I can't write this title anymore without giggling and blushing at the thought of Chris singing it to us. ♥ Anyway, a substancial change has been made to this story, but I'll talk about it later in a separate journal. Enjoy.

Chris Cerulli's Point of View


I watched, a cruel smile on my face as my hands dripped with blood, the crimson liquid splashing onto the floor of the dingy motel bathroom. My instrument of destruction still in my grasp. I looked at my reflection for a moment. The person staring back at me was hollow, grinning only with malicious intent. One of these days, I'd have to stop him, but it wasn't quite time yet. A small spark of something showed in his dim brown eyes, a small fire dying inside of him. The wicked smirk on his face soon fell into a sad grimace and I sighed, turning away and not being able to look at this monster anymore. It was time to clean up and take my leave, anyway.

I washed everything off quickly, sticking my gleaming little secret in a bag and pulling out a pair of black fingerless gloves that I tugged on over my still dripping hands. I was being quiet, still glancing around behind me to make sure that the form on the bed remained unmoving. I left silently, stealing a couple of hundred dollar bills from the poor girl's wallet, then got into my car and drove away into the night for the second time in about four hours.

Exhaustion racked my body and I found it exceedingly difficult to keep my eyes open. I turned on some music, though The Cure did nothing to help me in my attempt to stay awake, so I rolled the window down and found that the cold air moving throughout the vehicle, making my eyes water profusely was just enough to keep me conscious. The rest of the drive to my small apartment was easy. I pulled up into the parking lot, turning my keys in the ignition, then got out of the little mustang, leaving everything in the trunk. I took the steps to the complex two at a time, sliding into my home like a fog. I was getting better and better at it. The lights were all still off and nothing could be heard except for my light footsteps. I was stripping my clothes off on the way to the bedroom, leaving them in a pile on my side of the bed before I crawled under the sheets next to my sleeping fiancé. My consciousness left me almost immediately.

----

I never got enough sleep anymore. My body just rejected it and I was usually running on about four hours every day. Do you know what it's like to be awake for twenty hours? It's terrible. Oh, the perks of being an insomniac. It had its effects, took a toll on both my physical and mental well being, but I learned how to cope with it and had no idea how to get around it. However, it was really getting out of hand these days.

Macy, my fiancé was already gone at work which was both a relief and a little upsetting. She got on my nerves at time, being a naturally clingy person, but lately we had become very distant and hadn't talked much. It was kind of stupid that I cared so much since I cheated on her on a weekly basis, but I still cared for her in a way. I knew for a fact that getting engaged was a huge mistake, but the small amount of heart that I still possessed wouln't let me break it all off from her. It actually made me feel a little guilty. It wasn't the time to dwell on it, though. I needed to get to work.

For the past couple of years, I had been working for a clothing company, Bleeding Star, modeling their merchandise with a large number of other people. I didn't have to work every day. In fact, I rarely ever went to work. The only reason I was with the company at any given moment was either for a photo shoot or to collaborate with others and come up with new designs, the latter happening less often than the former. That particular day, though, Bleeding Star had new designs in and it was time to take part in a sure to be dark and very scene shoot.

The drive was only thirty minutes to a large building with about forty people outside of it, cameras were stationed at posts about every five feet along the front of the structure. Both men and women were getting their hair and makeup done, already in their shirts. I looked around for the lady who usually made me pretty for these shoots, but she found me before I found her. A small hand curled around my bicep and she tugged me along the row of chairs, muttering a few, "You're late Chris"s and "You better be happy that I know how to do shit like this within a ten minute span," and she did. Nita was a lovely young woman, though a little snippy sometimes. I tried not to irritate her but ended up finding ways to despite my good intentions.

Nita shoved me down in one of the chairs and threw a shirt at me, the design being vaguely familiar. I quickly shed the top I was wearing and slipped into the new Bleeding Star cotton and squirmed until it fell on my body the right way. My makeup artist tossed the discarded item of clothing onto the ground, making me furrow my eyebrows a bit. She just started in right away, brushing my hair and quickly putting hairspray in it, straightening it in record time until it was perfect. I had no idea how she did it. My eyes were lined darkly, covered by my skin being covered in a very pale base, more eye makeup and a final touch up on the hair.

By the time she was finished and pulling me out of the chair, the group of models were all being led to the set in front of me. I walked over and blended in perfectly, readying myself for a couple of hours of posing, making strange faces and feeling kind of stupid. At least it paid well.

----

The shoot had gone well, leaving me a little wary with those bright white dots taking over my vision every few seconds when I'd have to blink. It would wear off soon enough. I had changed back into my other shirt, though my hair and makeup was still in tact. It was about one o' clock. Macy would still be at work, being a tattoo artist. She had a very busy schedule. Not knowing what exactly to waste the rest of my day on, I simply drove around downtown, finally pulling up into the small parking lot of a book store. I could definitely go for a good read.

The place was homey, a few chairs and a couch with books galore lining the walls, some used and ratty, others brand new. The man behind the counter was leaning on it, looking terribly bored. He looked up when the little bell above the door rang and nodded, asking a, "Looking for anything in particular today?" I just shook my head at the brown eyed stranger, shaggy dark hair falling just over his shoulders and covered partially by a black, leather fedora. He nodded and went back to playing a game on his cell phone, judging by the high pitched music that was ringing from it.

I walked straight to the back and looked over the spines over the books, running a finger along them and noticing a few familiar titles. I made my way along the far ends of the little shop, the keeper paying no attention to me what so ever. It took me a good ten minutes before I finally settled on a book, pulling a copy of The Outsiders from the shelf. You just couldn't go wrong with that book.

Spotting a very comfortable looking chair on the wall, I sat down, basically melting into it. I now knew exactly how I was going to spend the rest of my afternoon, reading a book that I probably could have recited to anyone who happened to ask.

----

"You're telling me that you've been at a fucking bookstore for the past six hours?" Macy screamed at me, her arms waving over her head. It used to be cute when she did this. Now, it was just irritating.

"I lost track of time," I mumbled while brushing by her, intent on going into the bedroom and showering all of the hair products and make up off of me. Macy, however, had other plans.

"Don't you walk away from me, Chris Cerulli," her tone was stern and I could already see the expression on her face without turning to look at her.

I whirled around quickly and bent down slightly to meet her eyes. My upper lip was curled and I glared down at her, "Don't tell me what to fucking do," I basically spat the words and once they were out of my mouth, I turned back around and marched into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Walking straight into the bathroom, I flipped the light switch on and examined myself in the mirror. My brown eyes were a violent shade now, my lips pressed into a line so thin and tight that the three rings that went through the bottom were digging into the flesh painfully. I was frowning, scowling really and my jaw was set. I didn't know that this is what I looked like when I was angry.

Eventually brushing it off, I started the water and stepped into the shower, my intention to get lost in the scalding liquid.

I washed myself until my skin was red and my hair was natural. My face was wiped clean of make up only for me to start reapplying it. I toweled my hair dry for the most part, then walked out of the bathroom, slipping on a pair of briefs immediately then going on a search for clothes. Once my legs were clad in one of my many pairs of skinny jeans and a Himsa t- shirt was clinging to my torso, I walked back into the wash room and straightened my hair. I switched out the middle ring on my lip to a ball, then nodded to myself and walked outside once again.

Macy was gone and a note was on the counter that said two simple words: Ally's House.

I had really gotten to her this time. I felt a strange surge of pride along with a very minute feeling of regret. I disregarded both and ran a hand through my black hair and grabbed my car keys off of the counter where I had placed them only moments before my fiancé had started screaming at me. I walked to the door, shoving my feet into pre- tied black creepers, and left the house entirely. Without much thought, I started on my way to The Clover Club.

----

The light less building disappointed me greatly. I had been so set on going to this little club that I frequented and just letting go as I always did, but no, it was closed on a Friday. What the fuck was that about?

I had two options at this point. One was to just go back home and bang my head against a wall repeatedly until I knocked myself unconscious. The other was to scout about for another club that I could visit until my dearly beloved Clover was open once again. Seeing as how the first sounded at least mildly unpleasant, I opted for the second and began driving around the downtown district, my eyes peeled for flashy but run down buildings. It could have taken a while seeing as how the OC area was booming with trashy clubs. I tried my best to stay away from the type that you contracted HIV from by just stepping up to the doors.

A sign that read Club Kashmir caught my eye, the letters flashing from green to purple every two seconds. I hesitated before pulling into the parking lot, one eyebrow raised as I surveyed the building. I was large and dark on the outside, but I could hear the bass pumping from inside of it. The place didn't seem invested with anything at first glance. In fact, it looked pretty nice for a downtown club.

After sliding from my car, I pocketed my keys and approached the building, standing at the back of a pretty short line. It moved quickly and my right hand got stamped with ink that only showed up under black lights. I walked in and immediately examined my surroundings.

Most of the lights were black, shining purple, though there were red lights that contrasted well with them every couple of yards. There was a long bar on the right hand side of the structure, its stools all filled with mostly men and few women. A small stage was on the left side, a pole in the middle of it with those clichè light bulbs lining the runway. A few tall tables were set up in front of the tiny stage, but most were crowded around the main stage. It was very sizable and instead of having those lame bulbs, it had a single pink light that hung over it, illuminating the entire area. There was a pole in the middle of the larger part of the stage and a chair set up right against it. A cat walk extended far into the viewer area, chairs lined up all the way up and down the sides, most of them already taken.

The club's occupants were mostly middle aged males. There were about ten very young men who dotted the area, but other than that, everyone was pretty old and creepy.

Music was playing loudly throughout the building, the EQ being fucked with so that the bass was turned up louder than anything else. At that particular moment, a song I recognized as Primal Scream by Motley Crue was pumping through the speakers. It wasn't my favorite, but it could have been much worse.

Suddenly, the black and red lights dimmed considerably and cheers erupted from the men in the sitting area. I quickly found a vacant table toward the back and sat down in one of the tall chairs, crossing my arms over my chest and kicking my leg up to rest on the seat across from me. I fixed my eyes on the stage where a pretty small girl was suddenly standing. I hadn't noticed her walk onto the platform. Primal scream faded and the very familiar beginning of Marilyn Manson's Beautiful People started, bringing a ghost of a smile to my face.

I hadn't quite expected this place to really be of my liking, but it surprised me and I found myself looking forward to this girl's performance, focusing in on her.

Jet black hair was parted a little to the side, bangs falling over her eyes which were both lined in charcoal. Brown, almost red orbs gazed at the crowd, though it was easy to tell she wasn't making real contact with anyone. Her skin was pale and smooth from what I could see, free from ink and piercings on the surface. Her petite body gave her a cute appearance, but the expression on her face said otherwise, full lips twisted into a sexy smirk.

That's about when I realized how interested I really was in this girl and her dancing.

She worked the stage well, dancing, no, writhing on the chair in front of the pole until she needed a change of setting. Making her way to the edge of the cat walk, she ran her hands along the chests of the very excited men, pulling on ties and winking at them. Her hips swayed with the beat in a tantalizing manner and I actually found myself biting my lower lip and nibbling on my left ring. I was tapping my fingers to the beat of the Manson song, my head bobbing only slightly as the lyrics drifted through my mind.

Hey, you, what do you see, something beautiful, something free?

She danced provocatively, moving her body in time with the music and bending down at one point, fingers reaching under a man's chin who was sitting at the very tip of the runway. Her face came very close to his and he leaned forward eagerly only for her to grin widely and shake her head, using the hand under his face to push him back into his seat. The viewers around him all pat him on the back and laughed like he had accomplished something.

It wasn't until second to last chorus that I, against all odds, caught her attention. I wasn't even doing anything, just watching her intently. Dark brown eyes met mine in a clash of God knows what. I didn't turn away and she just kept dancing, but we were locked together and I felt a shot of satisfaction course through my veins, or maybe it was just my blood heating up and pumping through me. Either way, something was surging through me, whether it be pride, blood, pure arousal, or quite possibly a mix of the three. I didn't watch her stunning figure under the lights any longer. Instead I concentrated on her face and the expressions she made, my eyes only barely drifting from hers.

The smirk never left her face, not even as the song came to an end and she walked off stage. Claps and whistles were heard throughout the building and I smiled to myself while sliding out of my seat. I was feeling considerably better after making this trip and it was time to take my leave.

I had gotten what I came for: A distraction.

So, I was pretty close to just completely disregarding Zack's birthday. I was like, "Hmm, other people will do it. I don't feel like it," and then I remembered that it's also someone else's birthday today and I figured that I couldn't just wish one a happy birthday and not the other, so Zack should feel pretty relieved. >_>

So yeah, happy birthday Zack. I'm actually pretty excited for the guys and him now, but I had other things to focus on. Anyway, you're getting old. Have fun. Yada yada yada.

Now, for the other, HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY, NIKKI FUCKING SIXX. I'm so glad you'r still alive and around these days. (: Seriously, I love you man. Have fuuuuuuun with T- Bone and Kat, I'd hope. *suggestive eyebrow raise*

Big pictures are so laaame. (; Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna eat ramen and keep remeniscin'.

Alriiiight, this could take quite a long while. I really don't feel like starting from the very beginning, though.

Show was at Scout bar, place that we saw James those two times, yada yada yada. Some mixed emotions, remeniscing and just excited to see the Motionless boys again. It was FFC out last night, like seriously. I was wearing two jackets and freezing my fucking balls off. (No, I'm not gonna type Balz instead of Balls just because we saw them last night.) We saw Ricky walking out. HE'S SO FUCKING TINY. And Teej walked out like once. Nothing of interest happened while waiting.

Inside, we saw Ryan in the booth and walked over, handed him twenty dollars worth of candy that he had requested. Well, he requested the dough balls, but we needed to be fair to everyone else, so we got chocolate and eyeliner. HAH. He just opened it and his face got really bright, crawled over the booth- couch thing like, "Oh, I need to get out, I need to get out," and hugged Kay since that's who he had been talking to about it. Lulz Then they got into a conversation about iphones or itouches or whatever the fuck. I just kinda... stood around.

We sat down at a table once Ryan had to start like, actually doing shit. Teej, Ricky, and Balz started wandering around. We saw Ange at one point and he was the second to take pictures with, Ryan being first. >_> There was another group of like, sixx teenagers there who were getting most of the attention. One of the girls had her shirt off. It was pretty lame. Still, we were kinda waiting around for Chris, and I guess Kay was working up the courage to actually say something to Josh. Hah, I watched amused. (;

Finally, Chris walked out, intent on putting his laundry up. He walked up, saw us smile and wave and just stopped and grinned like, "HEY, How've you guys been?!" Awww, he's so cute. :D Then he turned, talked to the band a little bit and turned back to us like, "I have to put this up, I'll be right back, okay?" The kid insists on giving us a play by play. It makes me giggle. We shood him away and stood around more. That chick still had her shirt off and it was just like... GUUUH. -.- At one point, TJ came over and pointed at her yelling, "What the fuck? You are TRASH!" Hahahaha. It made me LOL so hard.

Chris came back, asked how we were, got hugs, then went to warm up his vocals and get ready for the show. Told us he'd be out after the show and that we needed to go back and talk to him once it was all over. (; So, we waited around, I think talked to Ricky and got pictures. AWW, HE'S SO TINY AND ADORABLE. AWWWWW. Seriously, you'd have to see him. He's like, the cutest thing EVER.

So, the first band, which was 38 Caliber Hero, who we saw once with James, finally finished. We walked over and made a deal with some guys for front row places, cause uh, why wouldn't we want to be front row with Chris? Hah. So, they were setting up and shit. Chris walked over to fuck with cords, gave him a thumbs up and he did like, three back with that silly little smile on his face. TEEJ AND RYAN SOUND CHECKED WITH TOWER OF SNAKES. EEEEEEEE. *dies* The keyboards took forever to start working. It was quite nervewracking. But they got it working and started with To Keep From Getting Burned, I do believe. She Never Made It To The Emergency Room, Destroying Everything, Ghost In The Mirror, Dragula, and Billy In 4C Never Saw It Coming.

Chris was in our faces most of the show, holding out the mic and looking at us and just all in all singing in our faces. One of my personal favorites was the actual line, "All her skeletons in closets will dance to the sound of lust," and he was looking at us with THE GREATEST little smirk on his face. Destorying Everything was pretty. At the beginning of Ghost In The Mirror, he was all, "If you've ever heard of us, then this is the song you've probably heard and it's for the two fans in the front row who have known all the words to our songs tonight," Uh, guess who. (; Oh yeah, he dedicated a song to us. We didn't know the words to Dragula and he kept coming over, but we'd just kind of smile and shrug like, "Sorrryyyy."

Billy In 4C was my favorite. It was soooo good and he'd scream and sing with us. At the last part of the long, the whole, "You are all that I have lef,t and I am lost without you," he was on the other side of the stage. Ricky was in between us and him. He looked over, saw us, made eye contact and then looked at Ricky, patted him like, seven times to get him to move, then bounded over, bent down right in between us and sang it, eyes flicking back and forth between us. Seriously, it made us feel so special. (: Like, for serious.

Off stage, we told the guys they did a good job. Chris had to converse with other fans. He asked how they did and we were like, "Uh, AMAZING." He went to take a shower, told us that he'd be back right when In Fear And Faith was finished so we could taaaalk. In that short amount of time, Ryan thought it'd be appropriate to ask Kay to take a rink from hs cup. "What is it?" "It looks like water." "Yeah, but what is it?" "Alcohol." "RYAN." "It tastes like sprite, I promise!" "I'm illegal!" "SO AM I."

The kid is eighteen. We were so not aware of that. He's only two years older than me, mang.

Anyway, that was a fun conversation. He told Kay that her myspace lied and she called him a creeper because he obviously is. I got mah shirt, Papa Rob came over to tell us that we had until ten thirty, blah blah blah. Chris came out after IFAF, like he promised. We talked a little, the other teenage group were also talking, or attempting to, but he wasn't really paying attention to them and kept bringing up other topics with us. Lulz.

People kept interrupting, but it didn't really matter 'cause he'd give us that sorry smile and then roll over into the booth, then have to roll back out again. He talked about the Bleeding Tour♥ And how he HATES Miss May I. "I just want to like, stuff them in each other's mouths, like you know that little toy you can do that with?" *nod* Yeah, I just want to stuff them into each other, bundle them up into a little ball, poor gasoline all over them, and light them on fire... Oh, and fucking pee on them. Then, when they're finished BURNING, I'll dance on their ashes." ♥ "And you can tell this to anyone. I don't really care. Like, if someone's like, 'oh hey, Miss May I,' you can be like, 'Chris from Motionless In White fucking hates them!" He was great.

Uhm, after talking about absolutely nothing for a few minutes, we needed to geto ur pictures because it was nearing time to go. We walked over into the light, I told him about the picture I had wanted with him since forever ago, and we got it. He's so coorporative. (: Then we made this mangled, cancerous heart. Hah, it's great. "Chris, make your hand smaller!" "Position our hands for us!" Heehee, then Kay was all, "I just need like, a normal picture," and Chris was all, "No, we're doing something funny," then put a hand to his chin and started thinking, looking around. His eyes fell on the fire extinguisher on the wall and he smiled, walked over to it and proceeded to unlatch it. "Chris, you're gonna set the fire alarm off!" Hah, the pictures are great.

It was SO HARD to say goodbye to that kid. Like, we'd go to do it and he'd hold his arms out for us for a hug, then we'd start talking again, then go to leave, and he'd give us another hug, then we'd talk, it happened like, seven times. Swear to God. One final hug and we finally dragged ourselves away, promising to be at the next show and what not.

It was pretty great.

Things I left out because I was in a rush to write this:

Kay and Josh got into a huge conversation about shitty hugs and she got like, four hugs from him. It was cute and her picture with him is fantastic. (:

Before Chris went to shower, I was like, "Have you found the stash of twenty bucks worth of chocolate?" He looked really wide eyed and we explained to him why we got it and all that. He screamed... Really loudly, "What the FUCK? When the fuck did THIS happen?!" Then held up a finger and ran off to find the candy. He returned with a crunch bar, the best little sedated smile on his face and just hugged us one by one really slowly and nodding and... kind of pettign us now that I think about it. I love him so much.

Ricky talks all hard over the internet like, how he's all social. He's not. I mean, I love him and he's SO GOD DAMNED CUTE, but he's not much of a talker. (;

During songs, I think it happened twice, Chris would hold the mic out to us and we were heard throughout the bar. It was pretty great. He basically played the show... for us. Teehee, like, not to toot my own horn, but he sang to us A LOT.

When the other teens were trying to talk to Chris, one of the guys was trying to be funny and pretend to jack off while talking about a song he really loved and another girl was talkign about how she'd never heard of them until now, but they were her new favorite band. Chris showed a grimace kind of smile and nodded like, "Thanks, that's uh, good to know," then turned back to us and was like, "What songs did you want to hear tonight again?" HAHAHA.

That kid is so fun but so hard to hug like, by yourself. I lunged over to him when we were supposed to be saying goodbye, but when I hugged him, my face was like, met with chest. Not shoulder, not neck, not even collar bone... Chest. He is that tall.

When rolling out of the booth at one point, Chris was in one of those provocative laying but leaning positions and just looked at us like, "Hey," *eyebrow lift* then scooted out the rest of the way and complained about how he was "getting too old for this shit". (:

Kay got her belt signed by him and she was like, "Yeah, find a place. Like, everyone signs this. There's Bleeding and AFI, and-" "Oh shit, really? I like, need a fuckin' picture with this. Twitpic me!" So, Chris signed it, then actually ended up leading us over to the lighted area and... Actually got Teej to take a picture with us three and the belt. I thought he had been kidding. >_>

Uhhhhmmm, I feel like I'm leaving something out. If it's somethign important or just really funny, I'll post an entirely new journal with only that in it, but yeah.

Last night was fuuuun. Kay got some killer pictures, so when she has them up, you should go check them out. (:

I'm gonna take a super long nap because, uh, I can and so tired I can't even keep my eyes focused.

When I wake up, I'm gonna post that giant show review, just like always. It's gonna be great 'cause the show was great. (;

So yeah, be ready for that and some AMAZING pictures. :D :D :D

Oh, and also, be ready for some POSSIBLE, only possble, postage of a kind of forgotten favorite. (;

Can you say SKELETONS?

♥♥♥♥

Motionless In White tonight.

I'm so excited. Finally get to meet Ricky. :D He's so cuuute. Lmfao

I'm not promising anyone anything, so don't ask. Hah.

♥♥♥

We just finished Lord of the Flies, right? And basically the whole way through, I've been waiting for Simon to turn out gay. I mean, come on. He's all thoughtful and adorable and shit.

Anyway, I'm writing his journal for the school project and in it, I keep making him absoulutely HATE Jack Merridew. I mean, yeah, he's a jerk, but in MY head, there's an underlying secret. I mean, there always is. But I can't even say anything about it in the journal or Mrs. Sinha would go batshit.

But yeah, I think there needs to be some kind of community on livejournal that's slash for LotF, 'cause I could really go for some Jack//Simon right about now. >_>

I'm so bad.

So, a few updates.

On Friday, here in Sugar Land, Texas, it snowed. Like, really snowed. I mean, we're all used to that little tiny bit of ice falling from the sky, but this was actual snow, like flakes and sticking to the ground.

That NEVER happens here. Like, I've never seen snow like that in Texas in my sixteen years of existence.

So, naturally, after fourth period, which was when it really started coming down, everybody at Kempner High School was outside playing in it, whether you had lunch or were supposed to be in class. It was really cute. There were like, a hundred people in the courtyard alone, smiling, running around, taking pictures, throwing snow at each other. I was out with Kale. It was seriously like a scene from a movie.

So, that was very, very nice. It got everybody in the holiday spirit.

After school, I got picked up by Kay and her mom, went over there, had a snow ball fight until we couldn't feel our bodies. That didn't take long, though. Hah. Then we went inside and watched old Nickelodian shows with some friends. It was very nice. Her big brother and his friends made a Jewish snowman. (:

Anywhosies, today some family came over. Two of my aunts and my little second cousins. They're so cute. One of them sucker punched my dad right in the stomach. I basically fell of the couch laughing. that kid has THE SCARIEST teeth in the world. Like, he could be a fucking vampire. The other one is like, sixx and probably the most well spoken little kid I know of. I'm proud to say I'm related to him.

Once they left, I watched Harry Potter and National Treasure with my mom. Tomorrow I need to do my Lord of the Flies project, which really won't be that hard 'cause it's kind of fun.

And now, I'm gonna be reading until some ungodly hour of the morning, so yeah. If you want to talk, hit me up. (:

Posting sometime soon? Quite possibly, but I wouldn't hold your breath on it.

(Teehee.)

Anyway, I've actually been writing again, new little ideas and what not. I have a cool but saddening slash idea, but uh, don't trust me when I say that. It seems cool, but we all know how I get when it comes to slash. Don't expect anything. ANYTHING.

Anyway, school is still going great, even though Princess Mason is making it almost difficult to pass his class now. Fuckin' student congress. /wrists/ English is great, even though Sinha accused me of cheating today. Say whaaat? I've got a project for Lord of the Flies. I get to write a journal... In Simon's point of view. *dances* I love that class. (:

Everything with Kale or whoever we wanna call him now is going spectacular. Hah, I feel at ease and shit. It's nice.

And on top of it all, Motionless very soon? I think so. :D

Anyway, I probably won't post anything real any time soon, especially if it's like... an OC fic. So yeah, don't get your hopes up for *deep breath* When the Wind Blows, Addicted to Your Lies, Skeletons In Closets, Fire Burns but Never Dies, Dynamite, You Broke Like Glass, or any of the other fics I probably missed out on, three shots and shit alike. However, the occasional one shot may pop up with the Ukiah/Berkeley boys. (;

Mkay, I'm off. I need to go burn some paper... Then possibly write some slash.

I love you guys!

"He pulled Jade's body flush with his own, wishing that he could just absorb Jade into his very cells via osmosis."

Best line I've read in a while, mostly because of the last bit.

It's called The Death of Steve Angel, on AFIslash, of course. I read it back when I wasi n like, sixth grade and decided to go back and reread it. It's pretty alright. (: Junter = LOVE.

Now, go read that one shot one journal back.

Title: The Sorrow Is Sacred

Pairing: No one is named, but it's fairly easy to tell. (Het)

Rating: R to NC- 17, there's a bit of fornication and some terrible themes involved.

Summary: Hold me and tell me we'll burn like stars. We'll burn as we fall. Watch as city lights dance for us.

Really long Author's Note: This is quite possibly the darkest, most terrible, most amazing thing I've ever written. However, I'm not so sure if I'm proud of it or not. I've spent two long days on this. There are two songs I had in mind while writing this, the title being a lyric from neither of them. I think some of you will be able to figure it out quite easily, but just for the slow ones, I'll tell you anyway that my muses for this one shot came from the songs Kiss and Control and End Transmission. I feel that the latter seemed almost like a prequel to the former and... Well, I guess you can just go ahead and read my version of it all. I pray it's not too incredibly cheesey. Enjoy and please, please tell me what you think.

A sleek, black convertible raced through the busy streets of Sacramento, California, weaving throughout the weekend clubbing and party traffic to get to its destination. Not one of the drivers around knew what the car's occupants were planning to do.

With the top down, the two young adults inside laughed and smiled at the feeling of the wind in their hair. One of them, a nineteen year old female, was busying herself with the driver's neck, biting and licking at it as if her life depended on it. The twenty- five year old behind the wheel bit his pierced lip and gripped the steering wheel tighter as he felt a hand inching up his thigh.

Around them, the air was cool, crisp, and dry, the kind of weather that November brought in California. Buildings seemed to tower on the sides of the street, lights shining brightly and glimmering in the distance. The two could barely hear themselves and the noises made inside of the cramped but flashy vehicle as car horns blared around them along with the skidding of tires, screaming of pedestrians, and just the simple hum of many, many engines.

As a red light showed above them, the man turned his head, dark brown eyes locking with those similar to his. The girl beside him grinned and reached forward, threading her fingers through his long, ebony hair. He leaned closer, whispering a barely audible, "Who are you?"

She only smirked and murmured, "We can never truly know who we are," before sealing their lips together for what wasn't the first time throughout their journey.

While the couple groaned and groped in the front seats and the light remained an obnoxious bright red, a dark bag sat in the trunk of the car. In it, lay two switchblade knives, a black and silver semi- automatic handgun, and two folded pieces of paper that explained their reasoning. All three weapons would be used before their night was over.

The night before in a small children's park sat the girl on a swing. Her legs were pumping her body, pale hands barely holding onto the chains that held both her and the plastic below her onto the metal swing set. It was almost midnight, but she was wide awake. Her eyes were watery because of the cold, which also made goose bumps appear all over her exposed skin. She didn't mind, though. Nothing bothered her anymore.

A lone figure walked on the sidewalk a few yards in front of her. He walked with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket and his face down, black hair blowing around him, until the terrible sound of rusty metal being stressed met his ears. Looking up, he saw this petite girl on the swing by the playground that he used to visit often when he was a child. Not able to distinguish if this girl was a lost child or just an insomniac out at night, he decided to walk over to figure it out.

The girl watched as this man approached her, slowly stopping herself and letting her feet drag across the dirt ground when low enough. With each swing back and forth, the shrieking of the chains seemed to die, finally immersing her and the man, who was now only a few feet away, in silence. When he stopped in front of her, they both stared at each other, neither of them having anything to say and neither of them being curious as to why the other was out so late.

The dark haired man noted that the girl was in either in her late teens or early twenties, despite the frame of her small body. Her dark hair was tousled and tangled from the wind, just as his probably was. Dark, hollow eyes stared at him with no emotion whatsoever and it was the first time in his whole twenty- five years of existence that he had ever come across anyone as empty as he was. Without saying a word, he stepped aside and over to the swing next to the girl's taking a seat and gently propelling himself forward, though not enough to lift his feet from the ground.

The girl didn't question his motives and just stared upward at the sky. Only at this time of night, when most of the lights were out, could she see the stars shining brightly against the navy sky. Without thinking, she dropped her hands from the metal she had been gripping and closed her eyes, face still tilted up. She breathed in the cold and smoggy air of California and let the slightest trace of a smile form on her lips. Suddenly, a colder hand enveloped hers. Though caught off guard, she didn't look at him.

Beside her, the raven haired man sat in almost the same position, taking in his surroundings. Without really thinking about it, the words left his mouth and seemed to resonate in the air around them. "Why are you here?"

After a moment's hesitation, she replied in a small voice, "I saw a body," she paused, then added, "I'm scared."

He shrugged and flipped some hair from his eyes before muttering, "I've seen a few," and that was all that needed to be said for either of them.

They both got up simultaneously and turned, arms finding their way around one another in an embrace. Her head rested on his shoulder for a moment before she looked to him in wonder, asking a silent question that would never get an answer. Slowly but deliberately, the man leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, arms tightening around her in a protective way rather than that of a possessive one.

I will swallow your fear, he mused silently to himself.

An hour later finds the two wrapped in black sheets, the girl wither her arms above her head which was thrown back in complete ecstasy while the man above her took his time and lavished attention on her. Two pairs of dark brown orbs roamed up and down bodies when they were open, but for the most part, neither had the will to keep them that way.

The couple was in a rather large apartment, his apartment, and had gone straight to the bedroom, though they didn't bother to close the door. All around them was black, darkness. The bed was black with dark wood for the headboard and frame. The furniture was black or of the same wood as the bed. The walls were a very harsh red, almost purple, and of course, outside of the window was black, the only light coming from the moon which would get covered by clouds every once in a while.

Groaning, the man continued to thrust into his lover, his discovery, his escape from everything. The girl moaned in delight, heels digging into the mattress as her mouth hung open momentarily. She could feel the burning in her wrists and gritted her teeth. He had tied her up with strips of velvet. She figured that they would slip and slide with their exertions, the softness of the material not leaving marks, but she was wrong. It heated up about as quick as her body did and the sweat around the area matted and soaked into the material, making it rougher than before. The overall sensation, though, almost made her smile.

Bringing a hand up to push some hair from his face, the man leaned down and captured the girl's lips in a searing kiss as they both reached their climax. Obscenities disguised as moans fell from their mouths as their bodies seemed to convulse for a few moments. Not forgetting about the position the girl was in, he reached up and pulled lightly on the velvet, letting it fall undone and onto the pillows below each of her hands.

The man gathered her in his arms gently and lay on his side, barely stroking her damp back. "You'll stay, won't you?"

She nodded and pressed herself closer to him, "I'll stay."

For the rest of the night and into the next day, the two planned out the only thing on their minds. They tried to make their idea, their last actions, more like a ritual. Nothing could go wrong in the hours leading up to it.

The two were desperate in their need for attention and their need for one another. Still, they spoke only when necessary, confused, or curious.

"I've never seen anything beautiful enough to take my breath away," the girl whispered, "If there's anything that I want to do, it's that."

The man nodded, taking down a mental note and smiling darkly, "Oh, you should see the city lights at night. They're like rain, everywhere from in front of your face to beyond the horizon. It's gorgeous," he told her, taking her hand and bringing to his lips, the cold metal of the ring he wore almost biting at the skin of her knuckles.

"I suppose it's good that I'll see them, then," she said distantly. He only nodded and smiled reassuringly.

The pair broke apart when the bright lights in front of them flashed green and cars began honking even more behind them. The man accelerated quickly, a devious grin prominent on his face. Excitement seemed to crackle between them like electricity as they neared their destination. Even the wind was aware of the big event, blowing harder against the two.

Without even switching on his turn signal, the man turned swiftly into a parking garage. Their hands were clasped together tightly as they drove up several ramps of the cement structure, stopping only when they were in front of one of the elevator shafts.

The man didn't bother to park the car or turn it off, just opened the door and got out. He went around the back, meeting the girl behind the vehicle, and popped the trunk, reaching in a grabbing the black bag that was the key to their plan. Looking to the slightly disheveled girl beside him, he smiled again and took her hand before closing the trunk.

Both of them leaned against the trunk, the smaller of the two unzipping the bag and fishing for the papers for a moment, avoiding cutting herself on the knives or unlocking the safety on the gun. Her hand reappeared after a few seconds with the two letters trapped within her fingers. Unfolding them only slightly to differentiate between their handwriting, she held one of the sheets out to the man, noticing how dark his eyes were. She kept his letter as he took hers, neither of them caring to read what the other said.

Staying silent and staring into the eyes that had brought the two together, the papers were crumpled and torn into smaller bits before it was slowly pushed into their mouths, saliva weakening the paper and pressing it onto itself to make the letters smaller. In just a couple of minutes and a few swallows later, their secrets had been devoured and hidden from anyone too curious for their own good.

"Are you ready?" the man asked without any emotion. No expression was etched onto his face to give away what he was feeling, and he was still a complete mystery. The girl nodded once before reaching into the bag and grabbing one of the switchblade knives. The man followed her lead, taking special care to grasp the handgun, too, and take the safety off of it.

With a deep breath, the two walked to the elevator and stepped inside when the doors opened up, standing side by side and looking out to the parking garage until the metal slid in front of them and cut off their view.

In the small, boxlike room, both of them raised the blades to their arms, making incisions from their wrists to the crease of their elbows. The girl slashed over the burns from the velvet, wincing slightly but masking her pain well. They dropped the now dripping knives to the ground and grabbed hands just as the elevator reached the top of the building they were heading to. Voices could be heard as soon as the doors opened.

It was a party and it seemed as though everybody was having a good time. Men were in suits or similar clothing while the females that strutted around wore party dresses. Food and drinks were being passed around by waiters. A strong bass beat was blaring through the speakers along with some irritating synthesizer and above the DJ stand where it was coming from hung a banner that read, "Happy twenty- fifth!" All of this went ignored, of course, as the couple began making their way to the far side of the penthouse.

Soon gasps filled the air and screams could be heard. Most of the party- goers tried to get out of their way, eyes wide with fear, but some of them stepped in front of them on purpose, trying to stop them from going through with whatever it was they had planned. There were many exclamations of, "Don't do this!" "You're still young!" and many nervous yells of, "Stop!" But it was all in vain.

The dark haired man spotted a few familiar faces, worry evident on each of them, but nothing fazed him. He had a job to do and that job was slowly getting harder to accomplish as more people tried to stop them. Soon the lovers stood next to each other, completely still as a crowd gathered. Blood ran down each of their arms in thick rivulets, the crimson liquid seeping from their astonishingly colorless bodies quickly. Their hands found one another once again and the bleary eyed girl looked to him, whispering a, "Stay strong."

The man nodded, his jaw setting, before he raised the gun in his hand, aiming it at the blonde haired man in front of him. His blue eyes widened noticeably and he spluttered pleas to his friend, "Come on, don't do this. You're not like this. D- Da-..." He was silenced by the sound of pressurized air and gun powder, a bullet finally making its way from the barrel of the weapon and lodging its way into the still wide eyed man's skull. He fell to the ground with a thud and people shrieked and knelt beside him.

With this distraction, the couple pushed their way through the now waning crowd, finding themselves at the balcony of the penthouse. Fingers still entwined, they jumped onto the thick, concrete railing, shaking only a little bit.

Before their eyes lay a scene more beautiful than any words could ever describe. From the height they found themselves at, the pair could see most of downtown Sacramento; buildings that seemed to scrape the sky were lit up against the blackness of the night. Those in the distance contrasted against the bleak horizon. Red and white lights came from cars speeding down the highways as the bright colors that hung above them dictated what they did next. They were all moving, blurring in their line of vision, dancing for them.

Both of them cast one last glance at the people behind them, some still worried about the obviously dead man, while most had their eyes fixed on the couple. Then they gazed at each other. The man's dark hair was flying in the wind while the girl's stayed nestled against her head in a messy bun. Small smiles played at their lips, still swollen from the ride.

Dark eyes locked, both people finally being able to see something in the other's stare. There was a certain wholeness, a sense of being complete that wasn't there before. With one final kiss, one final, desperate, fate- sealing kiss, they bent their knees and plunged off of the building's ledge.

As the lights passed in front of them and the screams followed them from above, only one thought remained in both the man and girl's twisted minds; we all want to die like movie stars.